If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
