see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the room spins SO much faster in panama
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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