i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
