I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
In America we eat man semen.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Randomize
