I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
