Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
