he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
