thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I want a musical about memes.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
