just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
