I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I deserve this hangover.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
