i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
