You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize