my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
