could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
