HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
