I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just google imaged poop.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
