just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
