yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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