After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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