Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
