You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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