He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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