I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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