I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
