just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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