I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Two words: blizzard sex
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
