so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
