Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
