i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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