JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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