So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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