Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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