This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Operation Purity has been aborted
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
