wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
