i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
