I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Every concussion has its silver lining
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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