he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
