If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
