I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize