apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
