Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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