Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I want her autograph on my taint
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
