Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
