everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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