doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
