listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
