all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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