these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
