I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize