never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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