i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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