YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
