The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
