Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
