he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize