I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I love having hate sex.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
