My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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