I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
