Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
