and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
