i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
