Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
