That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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