I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
