if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
