I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
