my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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