weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
