I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
