The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
