HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
